Death Eaters, A Day in the Life
by Divine Sanity
Summary: Have you ever wondered what your favorite evil henchmen do in their sparetime.....or anytime? Well this is the fic for you. Read and Review! Rated PG for future chapters.
1. The Beginning

A/N: Well, this is Divine Sanity, bringing you another little fic to put a smile on your face. If you guys don't like it, then I'll just keep it as a one-shot, but if you do like it, review and tell me, I'll be sure to keep going. I started this fic, because I thought, Hey! We always hear about what Harry did to pass the time, or Sirius, or Hermione, whatever the case, it's always the good guys, I mean where did the Death Eaters go? So I decided to write this fic, putting a little more of a humorous look on the lives of the Death Eaters. This chapter's a little short I know, but you'll see why. Please read and review, you guys are my biggest inspiration! If you guys like it, I'll definitely write more, because I have some awesome ideas, but if you don't I'll dig a hole, crawl into it, and cry…So if you have questions, comments, ideas, suggestions, feel free to review them. I'm open to flames…I'm a pyromaniac…. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I will watch you burn!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Sorry…. well.hehe read and review please!!!! Death Eaters, A Day in the Life 

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_What do our favorite evil henchmen do in their free-time….or any time for that matter?_

_Well, you're about to find out!_

"That'll be 14.50 sir, cash or credit?" the cashier asked, she had curly, purple hair, an eyebrow ring, inch-long metallic blue nails, sparkly orange eye shadow, a generous figure, and a large, hairy mole smack dab in the middle of her pudgy, left cheek. 

"What? Huh?" Snape was jolted out of his dream. "14.50, cash or credit?" the cashier asked again, blowing a large green bubble with her gum. 

"Oh, uh cash," Snape rummaged around in his pocket extracting some crumpled notes, he shoved them into her hand, "Keep the change," he grabbed his bags, and left, hoping to sneak into the nearest alleyway and apparate safely to his house with his purchase (nose-hair remover), but no go. 

A dark, cloaked figure appeared, moving slowly, and cautiously. "Seveerrruuuusss," the thing moaned, Snape rolled his eyes, "What do you want? I haven't got all day?" 

The figure removed his hood, obviously disappointed, "How'd you know it was me?" he asked. "Never mind that, what do you want?" Snape asked again, losing his patience. 

"Well I was planning," the person twiddled his thumbs, nervously

"Oh great, this doesn't sound promising," Snape said, rolling his eyes again

"Well, ok, I'm starting a little…clique you might say. It's an eeeeeevilllll clique! So we do eeeeeevilllll things!" the figure's voice got more high-pitched and squeaky and he quaked with excitement.  

Snape thought for a moment, "What's in it for me?

"Oh the usual, power, money, power, and of course power," the figure casually

"So how about it? Will you join? Will you join? Will you join? Pleeaaassee? Don't forget, you get to be eeeeeevilllll!" 

Snape contemplated further "Who else is in it?"

"Oh the Lestranges, Malfoy of course, Rosier, Wilkes, me, Avery, Crabbe, Goyle, and now you! All the eeeeeevilllll people I know!" the figure said brightly holding up a finger for each name. 

"Well, I guess I have no choice, fine I'll join," Snape sighed, as the dark figure punched a fist in the air.

 "YESSSS! Well, the first meeting's round at my place around…. say midnight. It will be eeeeeevilllll!"

"I've been meaning to ask, why are these evil things always at midnight?" Snape ventured. 

"You know what? Never mind," he said exasperatedly, knowing that he wasn't going to get an answer any time soon. 

And before "the figure" could get a word in, Snape had apparated with a pop.

"Hey! Snape left his eeeeeevilllll bag here!" the figure said out loud, picking it up. "Well, might as well see what eeeeeevilllll things are inside," he reached a long, pale, evil hand into the bag, and pulled out a tube of nose-hair remover, "What the?" 

Suddenly, POOF! Snape appeared, he grabbed the tube from the figure and disappeared, leaving "the figure" quite puzzled.  


	2. The Company Sees a Slideshow, on PowerPo...

A/N: 

The few reviews I've gotten tell me that you people like this and would like for me to keep going so, keep going I shall! And if you reviewed your personal thanks is below! 

**Bianca Ocean-** I'm glad you like humor, 'cause lately that's all I've been writing! My other fics are humor fics too if you want to try them! Hopefully, you like this chapter! 

**Nobody**- I'm glad I was able to make you laugh! I love making people laugh! Hopefully, your mood has passed, hopefully!!!!!! Sorry…that word makes me hyper….anyway, hope you like this chapter!

**Veld-** Yes, the evil guy is Voldemort, but he's didn't get his name yet, but you'll see why I didn't specify that in this chapter. Hopefully you like it!

Snape poked his head in the refrigerator, "Oh darn, we're out of eggs!"

 It was 11:58 P.M. and Snape was filled with a strange sense of foreboding, as he was forgetting something. 

"Oh well, might as well go to the store, my cookies will be useless without eggs!" he told his cat (Ms. Snuggles). He grabbed his wallet and ran down to the local corner store.

He quickly retrieved his eggs, and found some white frosting and pink sprinkles as well.             

He casually walked up to the cashier and put his items on the conveyor belt.

 It was the same cashier he had met the day before yesterday, except today, her nails were a metallic green, and her mole was (if possible) hairier. 

 "That'll be 8.79 cash or credit?" 

"Cash,"

 "Sir?" 

"Yes?"

 "Cash or credit?"

"Oohhhhh, Shiiii….take Mushrooms!" 

And poof Snape was gone, leaving the cashier quite dumbfounded.

 It was quarter past midnight, and he was supposed to be at Tom's house. 

POP!

Snape appeared in the living room, all eyes turned to stare at him.

"Uh,"

"Aahhh! Snapey boy! Sit down! We were just discussing our first order of business!"

"And what would that be?"

"Showing you guys the slideshow that I've created,"

"Hey Tommy, what's a slideshow?" Lucius asked confusedly

"You'll see! And don't call me Tommy! It's the Dark Lord now!" 

"Ok Tommy!"

"Grrrrr,"

"I mean Dark Lord," 

"Ok, I'm ready!" the Dark Lord had hooked up his laptop to his television, and was now opening his slideshow, which he had created on Microsoft PowerPoint. 

"Oh wait, never mind," the Dark Lord fiddle around with the mouse some more.

"Aahhh! Cursed computer! Stop asking me stupid questions! I don't care if my computer is infected with a virus just play the freakin' slideshow! What do you mean unable to run program! I'll show you! Unable to run program! Pah!" he whipped out his wand, "Avada Kedavra!" 

The computer flew out the window and blew up in the garden. Voldemort blinked stupidly after it. 

"But that's ok! I always back up my work on floppies! Hee! Floppy! What a funny word!" the Dark Lord pulled a floppy from his pocket, and conjured up another laptop. "And it's a good thing too! That's the fourth time I've done that today" 

Half an hour and three laptops later, the slideshow was up and running. 

"That's a wonderful picture from our last company picnic!" Snape said

"Dark Lord you've really out done yourself this time!" said Bellatrix

"But I've been meaning to ask, what's that thing?" asked Avery

"What thing?" The Dark Lord asked squinting at the screen

"Oh I see it! That blob in the corner!" said Rodolphus

"I think, I think……….I think," the Dark Lord leaned forward, and more forward, and forward even more, until his nose (if he had a nose) was touching the screen. 

"That's Lucius's thumb," he finished

"Is not!" retorted Lucius

"Is too!" replied the Dark Lord

"Hey! It's in all the pictures!" said Peter

"I told you we shouldn't have let Lucius take the pictures!" growled Barty Crouch jr. 

"Oh that's a good picture of the volleyball game!" said Snape

"There's one of Tommy boy playing horseshoes!" said Lucius

"But that's not all!" said the Dark Lord

"Wait till you hear the wonderful music I got to play in the background,"

he pushed some buttons on the keyboard and clicked around with the mouse.

An hourglass icon appeared where the mouse was supposed to be. 

"Why are you thinking? You don't need to think!"

 the Dark Lord inquired angrily, while clicking around randomly once more. 

"Start you stupid thing! No! I don't want Windows Media Player, no stop! I didn't ask for AIM! Stop! Stop! Stop!" the Dark Lord began clicking through the various boxes that began to appear, "No I don't want to register, why would I want to be enhanced with silicon?" the Dark Lord was muttering to himself now, "Hmmm, look! I'm a winner! Let's click on that! Aarrgh! No! Stop infecting my computer you stupid virus! JUST PLAY THE STUPID SONG! IS THAT SO HARD?" 

"Oh! Look! Where has the time gone? I really must get back home so I can finish baking my- errr….doing eeeeeevilllll things," Snape said, everyone else followed suit, till only the Dark Lord was left. 

AT 4:00 IN THE MORNING

"Hey look guys! It's working now!" the Dark Lord looked up happily, "Guys? Guys? Oh well, you don't know what you're missing!" the Dark Lord turned back to the computer, his face stretched taut in an awkward leer, (which was supposed to be a smile). He grinned at the computer, "Yes my pretty," he said stroking the screen, "Together we will be able to achieve great things!"

A/N: So how was it? Please review! I really love hearing from you guys!!!!!!!!


	3. The Real Story on how the Death Eaters g...

A/N: Thanks for reviewing! This chapter is hopefully going to be more creative! It's been so long since I updated, so I'm sorry! If you reviewed this fic, your personal thanks is below!

**Bianca Ocean- **Mwa HA! A Snicker! I like when my readers snicker!!!!!!! Thanks so much for the review! And I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**ArtDevilGirl- **I know I am good aren't I? Just kidding! Ha! Ha! Sorry…that wasn't funny. Thanks for reviewing and I really hope you enjoy this chapter!

**sturgis podmore- **Glad you liked it! And hope you like this one!

A/N: And on the fic!

/At Lucius' House/

DARK LORD: "Hello Everyone!"

LOYAL COMPANIONS: "….."

DARK LORD: "Well…I've been thinking, and I've decided that we need new names!"

LOYAL COMPANIONS: "….."

DARK LORD: "….."

SNAPE: "Why are we at Lucius' house? It smells like gym socks, meatballs, and fish,"

LUCIUS: "Hey! I resent that!"

DARK LORD: Never mind that, back to the names.

BELLATRIX: Why do we need new names?

DARK LORD: Isn't it obvious?

LOYAL COMPANIONS: …..

DARK LORD: Because, "The DARK LORD and his LOYAL COMPANIONS" does not

sound evil enough.

LUCIUS: Hey! I resent that!

LOYAL COMPANIONS AND DARK LORD: …..

AVERY: So! What did you have in mind?

DARK LORD: Well, I wanted something unique.

SNAPE: Um, are Lucius' ear lobes supposed to be vibrating?

LUCIUS: Hey! I resent that! And they are not vibrating!

RODOLPHUS: Hey! They are vibrating! Hee! Tee Hee!

LUCIUS: Are not!

SNAPE: Are too!

LUCIUS: Are not!

RODOLPHUS: Are too!

LUCIUS: Are not!

SNAPE AND RODOLPHUS: ARE TOO!

DARK LORD: SHUT UP! Now, do we have any suggestions!

LUCIUS: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

DARK LORD: What now?

LUCIUS: Those are just my earlobes. They're sensitive to shouting you know!

DARK LORD: Why me?

PETER: What about something that has to do with death!

DARK LORD: Finally! Someone that's paying attention!

PETER: Chomp! Munch! Yum! You know, these cream puffs are pretty good! To **EAT**

you know! Hint

DARK LORD: That gives me an idea!

PETER: Uuuhhh….

DARK LORD: You are now dubbed, my faithful DEATH EATERS! How about it huh?

LOYAL COMPANIONS (I MEAN DEATH EATERS): …….

SNAPE: Peter, those aren't cream puffs!

PETER: Mmmmmff! Wuffaw deyven? (Translation: What are they then)

LUCIUS: Those are ¾

DARK LORD: ENOUGH! Now we need to change my name!

AVERY: What's wrong with the DARK LORD?

DARK LORD: Not that name! The name my poopy-head dad gave me!

BARTY CROUCH Jr.: Oh…How about Lord Voldemort?

LUCIUS: What?

BARTY CROUCH Jr.: You know the letters in his name switched around…. There's an I

an A and an M, left over…so it could be I AM LORD VOLDEMORT!

LUCIUS: I still don't get it….

DARK LORD: I know! How about Lord Voldemort! There's an I an A and an M, left over…so it could be I AM LORD VOLDEMORT!

BARTY CROUCH Jr.: I just said that!

LUCIUS: Still not understanding!

DARK LORD: It's perfect! LORD VOLDEMORT AND HIS FAITHFUL DEATH EATERS! MWA HA! MWA HA! I LOVE MYSELF!

FAITHFUL DEATH EATERS: Uh….

A/N: And that's how the Death Eaters got their names!


End file.
